upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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