sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
