Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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