We won't sleep together?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
