What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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