Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
