I bet he comes in French.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
