Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
