i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
