Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
