Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
