i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
