I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
