There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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