take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
