im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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