one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
