You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
