if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
