i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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