god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my poor anus
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
