I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
