My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
