I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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