it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
