I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
