She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
