hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
