hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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