Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
