My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
