It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
