I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
