double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
