i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
