I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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