Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
