The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
