your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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