we made out on top of his cat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize