the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
