Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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