God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize