so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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