I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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