im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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