It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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