it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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