Non-Jews are for practice
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Someone came in the potted fern
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
