Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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