I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
