dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
