I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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