I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
