but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
