lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
