and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
