she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize