i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
