i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
