I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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