I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hello my rib-scented angel!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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