he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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