just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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