I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
