Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
